Main Har Kisi Ka Safe Place Tha… Mera Koi Nahi Tha.

Main ye memoir isliye likh raha hoon kyunki mujhe darr lagta hai ki agar maine apni kahani kabhi likhi hi nahi, toh ek din logon ko sirf itna yaad rahega ki main “achha insaan” tha. Lekin meri zindagi sirf itni si nahi thi. Mere bhi sapne the, meri bhi aadatein thi, meri bhi galtiyan thi, aur mere andar bhi bahut si aisi baatein thi jo maine kabhi kisi ko batayi hi nahi.

Aaj meri umar 31 saal hai. Main ek software engineer hoon. Salary theek hai, office theek hai, rented apartment theek hai, health bhi theek hi hai. Bahar se dekhoge toh shayad tum bhi wahi bologe jo har koi bolta hai—”Life set hai.”

Pata nahi “set” ka matlab kisne banaya tha.

Mere hisaab se agar insaan Sunday ko bina wajah kisi dost ko phone na kar sake, bina soche kisi ke ghar na chala ja sake, ya raat ke do baje kisi ek insaan ko message bhejne se pehle dus baar sochna pade… toh life set nahi hoti.

Main bachpan se hi thoda alag tha. Bahut bolta nahi tha. Lekin sunta bahut tha.

Hamare ghar mein jab bhi koi problem hoti, mummy mujhe alag se bula leti. “Papa ko ye baat mat bolna.”

Thodi der baad papa bulate. “Mummy tension le legi… isliye usse mat batana.”

Main dono ki baatein sunta rehta. Us waqt lagta tha ki shayad har ghar mein aisa hi hota hoga.

Aaj samajh aata hai ki us din se hi maine logon ka bojh uthana shuru kar diya tha.

School mein meri pehchaan topper hone se nahi bani. Meri pehchaan ek aur cheez se bani.

Agar kisi ka kisi se jhagda ho jaaye… “Arre Aarav ko bulao.”

Kisi ko teacher ne daant diya… “Aarav usko samjha de.”

Kisi ka best friend naraz ho gaya… “Tu hi baat kara de.”

Main mediator ban gaya tha. Mujhe us waqt ye role bahut pasand aata tha. Shayad isliye kyunki jab do log mere saamne baat karke phir se hasne lagte the, mujhe lagta tha maine koi bahut bada kaam kar diya.

Class 10th ke boards ke baad sab apni-apni coaching ki baat kar rahe the. Kisi ko Kota jaana tha. Kisi ko Delhi. Kisi ko Medical. Kisi ko IIT.

Main bas sabki baatein sun raha tha. Rohit ne poocha, “Tu kya karega?” Maine bola, “Abhi decide nahi kiya.”

Sach ye tha ki maine decide kar liya tha. Mujhe Computer Science padhna tha.

Lekin us din bhi baat meri nahi hui. Poore do ghante hum Rohit ke ghar ki financial problem discuss karte rahe. Main usko scholarship forms dhoondh kar deta raha.

Uska admission ho gaya. Hum dono bahut khush the. Usne mujhe gale laga kar bola, “Tu nahi hota toh shayad main college hi nahi ja pata.”

Us din ghar aakar maine diary mein sirf ek line likhi thi: “Aaj kisi aur ki life mein main important tha.”

Diary ka agla page khaali reh gaya. Kyunki uske baad maine kabhi apni life ke baare mein likha hi nahi.

College Bengaluru mein mila. Hostel ki life meri imagination se bilkul alag nikli.

Maine socha tha ki yahan sab naye dost banenge. Movies dekhenge. Trips par jayenge. Birthday celebrate karenge.

Reality thodi alag thi. Pehle semester ke ek hafte baad hi mere room ka darwaza log bina knock kiye kholne lage. “Kya kar raha hai?” “Kuch nahi.” “Chal baithte hain.”

Aur phir shuru hoti thi unki kahani. Kisi ka ghar mein pressure. Kisi ka breakup. Kisi ka back paper. Kisi ka confidence khatam.

Kabhi kabhi lagta tha mera room hostel ka room kam aur confession room zyada hai.

Ek dost tha—Kabir. Uska pehla breakup hua tha. Raat ke 1:30 baje mere bed ke paas aakar baith gaya. Teen ghante tak sirf woh bolta raha. Main sirf sunta raha.

Subah 4:30 baje usne kaha, “Thank you yaar.” Main bola, “Kis baat ka?” Usne kaha, “Bas sunne ke liye.”

Us din mujhe pehli baar laga… Shayad sunna bhi ek talent hota hai.

Phir dheere-dheere ye talent meri identity ban gaya. Hostel ke log mazaak mein bolte the, “Iske room ka rent college ko dena chahiye. Yahan counselling free milti hai.”

Main bhi hasta tha. Sach kahun toh mujhe achha lagta tha. Lagta tha ki meri wajah se kisi ka din thoda halka ho gaya.

Mujhe us waqt bilkul andaaza nahi tha ki har baar jab main kisi aur ka emotional baggage utha raha tha… tab main apne andar bhi kuch jama karta ja raha tha. Aur ek din… woh itna bhar jaayega ki mujhe khud samajh nahi aayega ki usse rakhna kahan hai.

Meri life ki sabse ajeeb baat ye thi ki log mujhe bahut achhe se jaante the… ya shayad unhe lagta tha ki jaante hain.

Unhe meri favourite coffee pata thi. Favourite football team pata thi. Favourite actor bhi.

Lekin agar us waqt koi mujhse poochta… “Aarav, tujhe sabse zyada kis baat ka darr lagta hai?”

Toh shayad mere paas uska jawab bhi nahi hota. Kyuki main itne saalon se sirf doosron ko samajhne mein laga hua tha… ki khud ko samajhne ka waqt hi nahi mila.